My article in the Hindu web special

https://www.thehindu.com/opinion/open-page/life-after-cancer/article33768758.ece

Open page

Life after cancer

Viji Narayan

FEBRUARY 07, 2021 00:54 IST

UPDATED: FEBRUARY 06, 2021 17:24 IST

Understanding and healing the psychological wounds that feed the disease is important

It has been two years since I was diagnosed with cancer. More than a year ago, I finished my treatment and was declared a cancer survivor. Many things seem surreal to me these days. The very fact that I am still alive and kicking makes me shake my head in disbelief.

I try to understand what exactly a cancer survivor’s life is all about. I think it is something like this — you have an enemy right by your side day in and day out. He is always striving to do away with you. You just have no way of learning his characteristics to make your plans to face him, but you have to befriend him in such a way that he forgets his purpose, well at least for some time!

Life becomes demarcated as BC and AC (before cancer and after cancer). You learn very soon that life can never be the same again, neither for you nor for your family. Pushed to your limits, you always become smart and efficient. Same thing happens for a cancer survivor also. Faced with the reality of death, you start cherishing life, every facet of it. You equip yourself to face eventualities, making you stronger and stronger that you are surprised at your own strength.

Like all things in life, I believe that this phase of my life also has a bright side to it. I have become brutally aware of the mechanical life I had been leading, totally neglecting my health. I prefer to call myself a catcher of sunshine these days. I am aware or conscious of every single moment of my life. My surgery table has become a bodhi tree for me. Now I can easily strike a rapport with all the elements of this life and the earth around me. Living life one day at a time liberates me no end. Sparrows, butterflies, foggy mountains, morning green tea, circumlocutory kolams that I draw in the mornings, unending music that I listen to and the meals that I prepare with no hurry all bring joy to me.

Many changes have crept into my life. A few books did teach me certain good things — one of them is Anticancer: A new way of life by David Servan-Schreiber. He strongly advocates every cancer survivor to create a relationship with our bodies that stimulates the immune system. Understanding and healing the psychological wounds that feed cancer is very important. Lifestyle changes, especially eating organic food that prevent and actively fight tumours and cutting back on cancer promoters, are very important.

Our mental health is as important as our physical health. A holistic approach helps me a lot. It is very important to discard negative thoughts. You can include negative

people also in this list. I have stopped reacting to things these days. Having said all these, don’t thing I am romanticising cancer in any way. Every time I have to visit my oncologist, the fear creeps in. Every time I need to take a scan, anxiety afflicts me no end. This fear demon can be warded off to some extent with a good sense of humour. Imagine yourself in all funny situations or watch a funny movie before your appointment!

A supportive family is a great blessing, but having said that I need to acknowledge that this is a lonely journey, for you are a lone traveller who has embarked on a wild, fearsome journey with never even a chance of knowing the outcome. Like all things in this world, this journey also is more tough on a woman. We as a society have always taken women for granted and have never taught our girls to care for their health properly. Hope world becomes more inclusive and people become more conscious; meanwhile, let me go feed my little sparrows for the day!

vijinarayan57@gmail.com

My white locks

I love my white locks

They are the memoirs of a battle,

A battle fought fiercely and a battle field of fire.

My snowy locks are like  phoenix birds

A whole flock of them,

Rising from the fires of chemo,

Bleached by the red devil

Roasted by the radiation

They murmur in my ears

Words of love and hope,

Every time I want to give up they

Remind me of a battle fought with vigour

And the days of  incessant sinking-

Like Arjuna listening to Krishna

I listen to my snowy tufts every single day,

Reflecting from my mirror they utter to me

On a daily basis – same little words

"DON'T EVER GIVE UP TO A LOUSY CRAB".!

My take on lock down blues

Cherishing & Overcoming The Lockdown

A reader shares her experience of fighting cancer & how she is coping with the lockdown

Team Lede

Apr 27, 2020, 5:32 PM

For me the year 2020 dawned with some hope of getting back to normal life, for I had spent the major part of 2019 fighting cancer and after effects of its treatment. All my ideas were dashed to ground by the all pervading Corona demon and the lockdown that followed.

Maybe because I have already fought a harsh battle last year fighting, the blues during lockdown was cakewalk for me.

I more or less applied many things that I did during my fight against cancer to drive away the lockdown blues. Always an avid reader I saved myself from slipping into depression by using apps like audible and downloading audio books. This helped me a lot as I was in no position to sit up and read. This has become a habit now.

Living consciously is a thing that helps us all to drive away any blues. When you start living life in the fullest sense you don't come across any blues.

Let me elaborate a bit. Every single day I relish my cup of green tea in the morning, peacefully looking at the yonder mountains and the little sparrows that come to peck at the grains I had scattered for them. I had been wanting to do this all my life, but started doing it only when I was faced with a life threatening disease. Don't you think lockdown period is a great time for doing such a thing?

Love for music is another thing that can help you in these days of anxiety. I cook my meals these days listening to an old Kishore Kumar number from my Caravan or to old Ilayaraja songs or peppy Rahman songs. I have downloaded Malayalam and Tamil radios and listening to them gives me a happy feeling. Cooking also has a cathartic effect, must be because when you cook you are doing something very productive. Take your time and chisel the nuances like an artist and enjoy the outcome.

Every single day I take a walk in the mornings as well as evenings. Well, in these days of social distancing I can walk only on my terrace, so what?

Those mountains and birds and migrating butterflies are great company for me. (By the way I live in Coimbatore). I may have to wait for a while to do some fine dining outside. My own self cooked meals are in no way lesser.

I may not be able to go for a movie theatre but can always catch up in these OTT platforms. I do my exercises or yoga regularly to keep myself fit. Of course I know that being in my 60s and having a pre-existing disease I am at a high risk of contracting COVID-19.

But these facts hardly dampen my spirits because I know a trick or two to keep my spirits high!

(This write up has been sent to The Lede by Viji Narayan, a postgraduate in English from Kerala University. She is a voracious reader and an occasional blogger. Now a cancer survivor, she is relishing and living life to the full. She is also a very proud grandmother, an English language trainer and freelance writer. All opinions are the author's alone and not necessarily that of The Lede's.)

My article from the Hindu Open Page

Beating the crab (my way)

The year 2018 was coming to an end.Just the previous  year my partner and me had become grandparents to the cutest little boy.we were both gearing to spend the remains of our day in a relaxed  manner. Iwas mentally making lists of books I had to read and places we had to visit. We were long overdue  for our yearly health checkup. So on a sunny  Friday morning in November we set out to the hospital for it.Little did we know what was waiting for us there.

My journey is no different from many of you out there. Shaken to the core by the declaration of my oncologist, I waded through the next few months in disbelief and pain .with a supportive family I managed to go through all that tolerably well. I tried my best to keep myself sane and strong .It wasn’t easy at all but I tried my best. Now an year has passed since I had been diagnosed with cancer and almost six months since I finished all my treatments. Now my periodical visits to the hospital and meeting more people with anguish writ large on their faces make me realize what a nasty voyage it had been and is .It is as much a mind game .While your body is subjected to a whole lot of pain due to the disease as well as treatments like surgery ,chemotherapy and radiation, your mind should take charge and make you stronger and stronger as days follow.

       

   

Like all things in the world come to an end I learned that my life would also end,may be a bit too soon. Being diagnosed with cancer and fighting it vigorously taught me a few things. This blog is an effort to share some of it to others,especially to other cancer warriors whose journey I know is not an easy one.This is also an effort to make it a bit lighter and easier for my kindred spirits.

Lets be very clear about the priorities. Whichever part of the world you are from, cancer is going to cost you a lot .So folks be sure to have a good insurance coz that will help you sort out things in a better way.

There are two questions that you should never ask once you get diagnosed with cancer. Question number one -Why me?

Question number two- Why cancer?

Take it from me there are no answers to these questions. Anyone anywhere can get it .When my oncologist pronounced the verdict I went into a frozen mode.Acceptance was very hard .I saw no reason at all to be getting cancer.I have never smoked tobacco or was an alcoholic at any point of my life. Always been eating home cooked food ,never had any problems with the birth of my two children and have lactated well.Why the hell should I be getting this?I have never eaten red meat in my life.Coming from an all vegetarian family my life was an organic and disciplined one.I asked my doctor why me?He looked at me for a while and replied “fate madam”!.As an after thought he added “well the vegetables that you have eaten all your life must have contained pesticides on them. You can’t escape that?”.So folks don’t ask questions, just accept it and gear yourself to kick it on the butt.